Hehey, somebody take this knife out of me! I just need to breathe and now I feel like a demon. It's burning me. My eyes. They're burning me.. Like a flame that forces me to look at what I am.. It burns me alive.. I can never close them, never close my eyes, never stop listening to those words. I can't look at me, and I can't not look. It burns like Hellfire..

I'm making myself listen to it.. Trying to be with her in the suffering at least.. I long fo it to an end.. My hands.. they won't stop trembling... It cuts me.. It cuts me to the core of my soul.. I was just trying to help... I just need to step back.

And now it burns me in that dreaded helix, over and over again.. It keeps arcing back through me.. I keep MAKING it arc back through me.. I keep calling down the thunder right here on my head. I try to find solidarity, some kind of companion in the suffering.. It's better than just hiding in my inescapable, cold logic.

I keep seeing that smiling face through my tear-stricken eyes. The one that smiles up at me... The tiny one that whispers, "Promise?" That little eggshell voice... And it kills me.. It strikes me dead. Sitting in the grass.. Next to You... And it BURNS.. but I must. I must.. I have to keep going.. But who says I can't look back? I'm going to look back and feel that fire... Feel it every day.. Because that's how I remember it now.. and I must remember. God, I MUST! Let me have my memories!

Being together in the blinding pain is better than being alone and happy. But I must choose what's worse.. because of who I am. I must burn... Why do I keep listening to it!? Why do I keep watching? Because it's all I have.